NBC Comedy Entertainment Video: Jimmy Fallon Monologue For January 7, 2014

The following NBC entertainment video comes from Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. It is Jimmy’s monologue, which is a standup comedy routine done at the beginning of each show. This monologue is from the Tuesday, January 7, 2014 episode.

This is one of the last few monologues that Jimmy will do on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. He starts The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon in February.

Part 1:

Fallon tells the audience to stay warm because we are in a polar vortex.

It is so cold that doctors are telling people to avoid drinking alcohol if they go outside. It’s a frostbite risk. But parents stuck in the house with kids are saying it’s worth the risk.

Fallon poked fun at Obama for inviting unemployed people to the White House to talk about income inequality. It shows a lot of sympathy to invite unemployed people to a huge white mansion that you live in for free.

Michelle Obama is staying at Oprah’s house in Hawaii. She told the housekeeper to make sure Michelle has clean linens at all times. Stedman said he heard her the first time.

Jimmy talked about the new Bachelor, Juan Pablo. He says their favorite contestant is Kat Hurd. They made fun of the name, which sounds like “cat turd” if you slightly mispronounce it. After meeting Kat Hurd, Juan Pablo said she smells good. Fallon said it must be the Fresh Step. Mark and Tariq, from The Roots, then reenact one of the scenes from The Bachelor.

Part 2:

Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to get rid of horse-drawn carriages in Central Park. Jimmy then sent someone out on the street to get their opinions on this issue. But they had to answer in a high-pitched voice.

Jimmy talked about Dennis Rodman, who just came back from another trip there and is now claiming that North Korea is not that bad. Even Kim Jong-Un is saying it’s kind of bad.

They showed some clips of Alex Trebek rapping some of the answers on Jeopardy. Jimmy then joked about Trebek having several different rap albums. His latest album is Trebeezus. Pat Sajak is shirtless on a motorcycle on the cover.

Justin Bieber’s new documentary, Believe, has only made about $3 million so far. That is way below his previous film. Jimmy isn’t sure where Bieber’s audience went. But he can tell him one direction he might want to look in.

NBC Comedy Video – Jimmy Fallon Monologue – January 7, 2014 – Part 1

NBC Comedy Video – Jimmy Fallon Monologue – January 7, 2014 – Part 2

NBC TV Entertainment Video: Jay Leno Skit For January 7, 2014 – “Products For A Better You”

The following NBC entertainment videos contain a skit called “Products For A Better You.” The skit is from Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. The episode aired on Tuesday, January 7, 2014. I have also included a text summary of the skit. Watch the videos for the full routine.

This is the last full month for Jay to host The Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon takes over in February.

Part 1:

The Facewaver Exercise Mask:

This is a ridiculous mask that supposedly makes your face look younger by reducing wrinkles. Jay says you can wear it anywhere except the bank. He tries it and then takes it off, asking if the audience thinks he looks younger. They approve, so he asks NBC if he can keep his job.

Next was some funny product that is designed to separate the egg yolk from the egg white. It is a mug with a man’s face. You put in the cracked egg, and the liquid part (the egg white) flows through the man’s nose so you can separate the parts.

The Mirror Plate:

The plate has a small mirror in it so you can check your teeth for food after you finish eating. It is from England. Jay says the Mirror Plate is about as close to the dentist as they get.

The Power Nap Head Pillow:

I don’t really get it. But this is a pillow with a hole inside so that you can put it on your head. I guess it’s so you can sleep wherever you are. It also has some holes to put your hands, which is equally absurd.

Loopa Gyroscopic Toddler Bowl:

The idea is that the gyroscope will keep cereal or other food from falling on the ground. But when Jay tested it, he spilled milk on the floor. Maybe this works for solid food only.

Part 2:

Leno then showed a remote controlled mop. It moved around some but didn’t seem to work that well when Jay tested it.

The Neck System Exerciser:

You attach this to a door, and it has a device that you push with your neck to get a workout. Jay says you will then bang your head against the door when you realize you just wasted $130.

The Anywhere Exercise Box:

This is a $60 box that you step up and down on to get exercise. Hilarious.

The Ace Power Exerciser:

This is from South Korea. It looks like you are riding a horse or something. Jay says this is how Psy came up with Gangnam Style.

Jay Leno Skit For January 7, 2014 – Products For A Better You – Part 1

Jay Leno Skit For January 7, 2014 – Products For A Better You – Part 2

NBC TV Entertainment Video: Jay Leno Monologue For January 7, 2014

The following NBC entertainment videos contain the Tonight Show’s Jay Leno monologue for the episode that aired on Tuesday, January 7, 2014. I have also included a text summary of the topics for this monologue. Watch the videos for the full jokes.

This is the last full month for Jay to host The Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon takes over in February.

Part 1:

Jay is talking about it being 2014. It’s been 15 years since we partied like it’s 1999.

For a new year, Old Father Time makes way for the New Year’s Baby. NBC refers to this as “Leno and Fallon.”

A study says that dogs align themselves with the Earth’s magnetic field in preparation for going to the bathroom. The Earth’s magnetic field is also perfectly aligned with Leno’s front lawn.

It is so cold, that a polar bear at Chicago’s Lincoln Park Zoo had to be moved indoors. This is because a polar bear in the wild has thicker blubber, so it can withstand the cold better. Americans have this thick layer of blubber, so they have no problem walking around in the cold.

It was recently colder in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, than on the surface of Mars. Actually, Mars has more night life than Winnipeg. And there are more things to do.

The average temperature across America was 14 degrees. That’s so cold that the Blue Man Group blended in with the rest of the country.

Jay then told some more “it’s so cold” jokes:

1. New York City mayor, Bill de Blasio, had to dig Michael Bloomberg out of the snow.

2. Anthony Wiener said it was bone-chilling.

3. In Utah, the Supreme Court put a freeze on gay marriage.

4. The Bachelor on ABC has a cold sore not from herpes.

Scientists report they developed a strain of marijuana that does not contain THC. Jay says we have this already. It is oregano.

Jay showed a skit about what eggs in a frying pan look like both with and without THC. With THC, the eggs are laughing.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford is running for reelection. Jay wonders where he gets the energy.

Part 2:

Rob Ford’s new campaign slogan: If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the meth lab.

People in Sochi will be allowed to protest – in a special protest zone in Siberia.

Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea to play an exhibition basketball game. Jay showed a bizarre CNN interview with Rodman. The other former NBA players were sitting there, apparently embarrassed by the interview. Jay says you don’t usually see faces like that on NBA players until the paternity test comes back.

Pope Francis reportedly has an approval rating of 88 percent. If he comes out with Francis Care, the whole thing could go down the tubes.

There is some new toothbrush that is supposed to detect when you have too much plaque. An app then sends the info to your iPhone. Alternatively, you could just look in the mirror.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos was airlifted by the Ecuador Navy to get an emergency operation for kidney stones. Jay then told a lame joke about the Navy charging him shipping and handling and then recommended other operations that other people have bought (you’ll get it if you use Amazon).

Jay joked about Evander Holyfield’s homosexuality comments. He said stupidity is incurable.

Leno then showed an infomercial for a product called the “Bacon Bowl.” The skit then said that if you order now, you get the Bacon Coffin for free.

Jay Leno Monologue For January 7, 2014, Part 1

Jay Leno Monologue For January 7, 2014, Part 2

NBC TV Entertainment Video: Jay Leno Monologue For September 20, 2013

The following NBC entertainment videos contain the Tonight Show’s Jay Leno monologue for the episode that aired on Friday, September 20, 2013. I have also included a text summary of the topics for this monologue. Watch the videos for the full jokes.

Part 1:

Jay asks how many people thought this was the new line for the new iPhone. Hundreds of people are in line and camping out for the new iPhone 5S. So sitting at the mall in yoga pants and eating yogurt is camping out? That is dorking out, not camping out.

Apple blames the shortage in iPhones on China’s one-child policy.

The Dodgers clinched the National League West title yesterday.

In a recent game, the Los Angeles Dodgers were playing a road game against the Arizona Diamondbacks. There is a swimming pool beyond the outfield at Arizona’s stadium. To celebrate, the Dodgers decided to jump in the pool.

Jay showed a clip of the baseball team jumping in. They then suddenly started doing a synchronized swimming routine.

Researchers found a legless lizard in California. They’re not spineless snakes. Those are Congressmen.

There is a possible government shutdown in less than two weeks. Seems like a bad idea – shutting down Capitol Hill and releasing 435 predators and perverts back into the population.

Jay runs a “Video Metaphor” showing how a shutdown will affect the middle class. A guy is at a parking lot with one of those gates that blocks cars until they pay. He is chasing after a tennis ball that is bouncing around among the car. The man is the middle class, and the ball is the American Dream. The gate is Obamacare, and the car is Republican. The gate comes down and hits the guy, knocking him down. And the car then runs over the guy’s legs. In other words, the middle class gets screwed.

Oil is now $109 per barrel. Jay has a Ford F-150 pickup with the extra large gas tank. He filled it up, and it cost $118. He knows he didn’t use a whole barrel. So he got ripped off.

Part 2:

California gas is specially blended. You have regular, premium, and the new bend over.

Some Ohio State students living off campus discovered that a stranger had been living in their basement. When they asked him why he was in the basement, he said he was preparing for life after college.

Miller Lite has a punch-top can that makes the beer pour out faster. No more need for a funnel.

The old Nintendo CEO died at 85. He was hit by a car when trying to cross the street with a bunch of frogs.

Monday is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. Jay doesn’t know if he will celebrate. He could go either way.

A show on the Discovery Channel explained how plants can release a gas to warn other plants of danger. But what is the other plant going to do? Run?

Some joke about a couple’s wedding in Essex, England.

Jay said that Jimmy Fallon is here tonight. Is it already February?

Leno showed a YouTube video of a zoo otter playing with a stone. The otter was tossing the stone back and forth from one hand to the other. He then played the shell game when some people came around.

Jay Leno Monologue For September 20, 2013, Part 1

Jay Leno Monologue For September 20, 2013, Part 2

NBC TV Tonight Show Video: Jay Leno Monologue Skit – Dodgers’ Celebration Swim (September 20, 2013)

The following NBC entertainment video is a segment of the September 20, 2013 episode of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. It is actually part of Jay’s daily monologue. This portion of the monologue is a skit called “Dodgers’ Celebration Swim.”

In a recent game, the Los Angeles Dodgers were playing a road game against the Arizona Diamondbacks. There is a swimming pool beyond the outfield at Arizona’s stadium. To celebrate, the Dodgers decided to jump in the pool.

Jay showed a clip of the baseball team jumping in. They then suddenly started doing a synchronized swimming routine.

Jay Leno’s Tonight Show Monologue Skit About “Dodgers’ Celebration Swim” And Synchronized Swimming At Game Against Arizona Diamondbacks (September 20, 2013)

NBC TV Tonight Show Video: Jay Leno Skit – USA Vs. The World – Best Cover Of “Blurred Lines” (September 20, 2013)

The following NBC entertainment video is a segment of the September 20, 2013 episode of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. It is actually part of a skit called “USA Vs. The World.”

In this recurring skit, Jay shows someone in America doing something and then compares it to someone in a different country doing the same thing. Leno and the audience then decide who won.

This time, Jay shows a person from Canada singing a cover version of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines.” It was terrible. The guy was reading the words. And he couldn’t sing, anyway.

Leno then found someone right up the street from his LA studio. It was at the Oakwood Apartments. Suddenly, Jay showed up in the music video to do the “hey, hey, hey” part while wearing a silve suit. And he was holding a blow-up cow for some reason. USA wins.

Click here to watch the Leno skit from “USA Vs. The World,” about who has the best cover of “Blurred Lines.” (September 20, 2013)

NBC TV Entertainment Video: Jay Leno Monologue For September 19, 2013

The following NBC entertainment videos contain the Tonight Show’s Jay Leno monologue for the episode that aired on Thursday, September 19, 2013. I have also included a text summary of the topics for this monologue. Watch the videos for the full jokes.

Part 1:

Jay wants to start with some good news. Looks like the federal government might be shutting down.

A government shutdown is Congress continues not to work. But they do it from home.

We are $17 trillion in debt. It’s not a shutdown. It’s a Going Out Of Business sale. Jay says take all the stuff out of the Smithsonian and spread it across the lawn.

Obama is losing support from Democrats. It’s so bad that Jimmy Carter compared Obama to Jimmy Carter.

Assad said he would like to tell Obama to listen to his own people. Assad is giving advice about listening to your own people?

Most Americans don’t understand Obamacare. It’s not in Spanish.

Obamacare requires doctors to ask you about your sex life. This is not fair. It’s between you and the NSA only.

When the doctor asks a Kardashian about their sex life, they can just give him the DVD.

The 13th annual U.S. Sumo Open was held in Los Angeles. One wrestler picked the other fat guy up and slammed him. It created a huge hole, and everyone and the whole Earth got sucked into it.

Part 2:

Miller Lite’s punch-top can makes beer pour faster. That’s the problem with America. We can’t get the beer out of the can fast enough.

England has a problem with public drunkenness. They may hire some private companies to run drunk tanks. The Queen was then shown sloppy drunk and falling down on the red carpet.

Starbucks executives want to ban guns in their coffee shops. The clerks at 7 Eleven didn’t know you could ban people with guns.

An Arizona Costco is selling a bottle of malt Scotch that is 60 years old. The price tag is $17,000. Everything else at Costco could be bought for 17K.

Former Nintendo CEO has passed away at 85. Brothers Mario and Luigi survive him.

Penthouse Magazine filed for bankruptcy. They can’t compete with Miley Cyrus.

Brad Pitt hung out with some people at their wedding reception. Apparently, he just ran into them at the same hotel. So the wife spends all day with Brad Pitt and then goes upstairs and sleeps with Bob the accountant.

AMC is planning a spinoff of The Walking Dead. It will also feature zombies. But we already have that show – The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.

Kmart has already published the first holiday commercial in September. It features a gingerbread man in an office building. The lady licks the icing on the gingerbread man. Jay then showed the secret part of the commercial. The gingerbread man reported the lady to the police for sexual harassment.

Jay Leno Monologue For September 19, 2013, Part 1

Jay Leno Monologue For September 19, 2013, Part 2

Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube Video For September 19, 2013: Skit For ” ‘Liking’ on Facebook Protected Under First Amendment”

The following video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live’s YouTube account. This segment has a skit called ” ‘Liking’ on Facebook Protected Under First Amendment.” It aired on the Thursday, September 19, 2013 episode.

The 4th Circuit Court of Appeals held that Liking something on Facebook is a form of free speech. This started with a sheriff’s deputy got fired for liking the campaign of a guy who was running against the current sheriff.

Jimmy’s staff members asked people on Hollywood Boulevard if they agree that a Facebook Like is free speech. And these passersby were also asked to explain what the First Amendment is.

The first woman had no clue what the First Amendment is.

The next lady just laughed and said, “We shouldn’t have done this.”

The next guy said it’s for your rights. He didn’t know which ones.

One man thought it included the right to vote “probably.”

Ha. Another guy said he isn’t sure but knows it’s not freedom of speech.

YouTube Ratings And Statistics:

About 6 hours after this clip was uploaded to YouTube, it showed 4107 views and had a quite good user rating of 236 Likes and only 5 Dislikes.

Jimmy Kimmel’s YouTube Skit – “‘Liking’ on Facebook Protected Under First Amendment” (September 19, 2013)

Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube Video For September 19, 2013: Skit For “John McCain Responds to Vladimir Putin”

The following video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live’s YouTube account. This segment has a skit called “John McCain Responds to Vladimir Putin.” It aired on the Thursday, September 19, 2013 episode.

Putin wrote an opinion piece about Syria in the New York Times. It was directed at the American people.

John McCain then wrote an op-ed that was published on a Russian site. The title was “Russians Deserve Better Than Putin.” McCain dissed Putin so bad that he may have collaborated with Kendrick Lamar.

Jimmy says McCain thought he was publishing his piece in Pravda. But instead, it was published on Pravda.ru, which is unrelated to the real Pravda news agency. Also, it appears that the letter was censored with some sort of government filter. The translation, after the filter, said that Vladimir Putin is a very sexy man. He is strong like a bear or bull. McCain said he would go for him if he were a woman. But as a man, he is envious of his strong eyes and muscles. But it’s not a gay thing. Putin is a hero. The signature was Poopy Pants McCain.

YouTube Ratings And Statistics:

About 6 hours after this clip was uploaded to YouTube, it showed 2700 views and had a decent user rating of 120 Likes and 9 Dislikes.

Jimmy Kimmel’s YouTube Skit – “John McCain Responds to Vladimir Putin” (September 19, 2013)

Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube Video For September 19, 2013: Skit For “Breaking Bad Spinoff” (About Paul van der Velpen And Anti-Sugar Campaign)

The following video is from Jimmy Kimmel Live’s YouTube account. This segment has a skit called “Breaking Bad Spinoff.” It aired on the Thursday, September 19, 2013 episode.

This is about a high-ranking official in Amsterdam. He is apparently campaigning against sugar. The guy’s name is Paul van der Velpen. He is the head of the Public Health Service. Paul says that sugar is a drug that is dangerous and addictive.

People in The Netherlands can’t stop eating sugary snacks. Jimmy wonders why.

Van der Velpen wants to put warning labels on food with sugar, like you see on packs of cigarettes. This is happening in a place where you can get pot and a hooker in your Happy Meal.

Jimmy then shows how there is a new TV show about this dangerous sugar drug. It is called “Baking Bad” and is coming this fall to The Netherlands.

YouTube Ratings And Statistics:

About 6 hours after this clip was uploaded to YouTube, it showed 4636 views and had a good user rating of 205 Likes and 18 Dislikes.

Jimmy Kimmel’s YouTube Skit – “Breaking Bad Spinoff” (September 19, 2013)