The following NBC entertainment videos contain the Tonight Show’s Jay Leno monologue for the episode that aired on Thursday, May 23, 2013. I have also included a text summary of the topics for this monologue. Watch the video for the full jokes.
Eric Garcetti is the first Jewish mayor in Los Angeles. Unlike Anthony Weiner, he didn’t have to drop his pants to prove it.
Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York. But some Democrats are saying he does not represent the party. But he is quite representative, when you consider the White House always gets caught with its pants down.
Obama’s teleprompter took the 5th.
Why is it called the “Internal Revenue Service?” Having your money confiscated is a service?
Elijah Cummings said the scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRS. They might be afraid to audit people. Jay says we finally got something good coming out of this.
TIME magazine published an Obama prom picture from 1979. Leno shows it, and there is some strange-looking weed around Obama’s neck.
Back then, Obama had to ask a girl for his phone number. He couldn’t get it illegally through the Justice Department.
Jay joked about Obama’s heckler during his drone and Gitmo speech. She got up yelling about a hunger strike in Gitmo. Obama said he was going to address it. So he used a drone to zap her.
With Oscar Mayer’s bacon dogs, you actually what animal your hot dog came from.
Jay shows a kitty from a viral video. It kind of sounds like the cat is meowing the name “Al Gore.”
Leno then shows his own cat, who he says is even better. Jay asks his cat who is the current chairman of the Federal Reserve. The kitty says it is Ben Bernanke.
A California judge said you can sue a store for false advertising related to discounts. For example, you can sue if the store doubles the price and then claims it is a 50 percent discount. So now, you can hire a lawyer to sue a store for false advertising who will charge you 2 hours for every hour that he works.
Netherlands scientists believe humans have gotten 14 IQ points dumber since the Victorian Era. Today, most people think the Victorian Era is when the Spice Girls were still together.
Jay then shows his cat saying “Ben Barnanke” again.
NFL football fans are staying home more and more and watching the games on their HD TV sets. It’s not just the fans. The Dallas Cowboys do this every year for the Super Bowl.
The San Diego Chargers have a new Manti Te’o promotion to boost ticket sales. If you buy one ticket, your imaginary girlfriend gets in for free.
2 people stabbed each other in a fight over who should win American Idol. That Nicki and Mariah need to chill out.
The next joke is a skit to determine which one has worse acting. It is called “Infomercial vs Soap Opera.” The soap opera won.
Click here to watch Part 1 of the Jay Leno monologue for Thursday, May 23, 2013.
Click here to watch Part 2 of the Jay Leno monologue for Thursday, May 23, 2013.