The following NBC entertainment video is a segment of the March 25, 2013 episode of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. It is a skit called “Headlines.” This is a regular Monday segment that is devoted highlighting various funny headlines, advertisements, and other things in print.
The first headline says that a brain-eating amoeba in Tucson water is not a health risk.
In Oklahoma City, a rally against apathy drew a small crowd.
“Angles are a sign of God’s love for us.” Jay said he was never good at geometry.
A headline says that downtown streets are bustling in Umatilla. But the picture shows a street that is almost empty.
You need a coupon for a free handshake at a car repair shop.
In an ad for the Belvedere restaurant, it says they have authentic Polish “cousin.”
There was an ad for drive thru colorectal cancer screening.
The next one is an article from Helena. At Broadwater County Fairgrounds, the toilets stopped working after 160 people ate chili.
There was a Knights Of Columbus spelling bee. They are supposed to be 8th graders. But one of the kids already has a moustache.
The Paseo Grill (Oklahoma City) ran an ad offering a free fried green bean with purchase of 2 entrees.
There is a business in Wyandotte that invited people to a Cinco de Mayo celebration. It was on May 4th.
A classified ad was selling ladies bendover pants.
There is an ad for a handmade pork tenderloin dinner. It shows a guy pushing a pig from behind.
A picture caption says that 5-year-old Katie Anthony will participate in the White House Easter egg roll. But the picture shows a woman lying on the ground and getting arrested by the cops.
There was an article about fundraising for the Stanhope Elmore High School band. They are raising money to go to Marty Graw.
A column asked college students how they flirt. Shawn Smith, who is a junior political science major, says he flirts aggressively. He has been in jail 3 times for it.
A “Fiesta On The Lawn” ad said they were selling Mexican flavored water.
A headline says scientists are warning that male infertility can be inherited.
An ad for South Texas Carpet Specialists had a dust mite almost as big as a small child.
NYTE Surgical Arts ran a “Botox For The Homeless” ad.
An ad for the Princeton Review LSAT prep course said, “Longer, Stronger, Beter.”
An ad for a flashlight pen says it helps you write in the dark. But the light is on the non-writing end. So it actually would shine the light in your eye, not on the paper.
The Huisache Baptist Church had an ad promoting a special event. A knife thrower named “The Mountain Man” will throw knives at Pastor Cummings while the latter delivers a sermon.
A teacher and teaching assistant dress up like bananas to promote healthy eating. They are Marty Austin and Diane Talucci. One of the outfits looked like a yellow KKK uniform.
The last ad is for Infants Mylicon Drops. It shows a baby crying. If you look closely, the picture makes it look like there is a chunk missing on one ear. Leno says that is why he is crying.