The following NBC entertainment video is a segment of the July 29, 2013 episode of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. It is a skit called “Headlines.” This is a regular Monday segment that is devoted to highlighting various funny headlines, advertisements, and other things in print.
A postal chief said faster mail delivery would take at least a year.
A Class of 2013 reunion is on August 24, 2013.
“Crack secret to a perfect appetizer”
A headline talked about a father-daughter fishing team. But the picture was of two guys: Bobby Love and Clancy Terrill.
A headline said a body in a duffel bag might be a homicide.
There is a publication called Travelog, from the Duluth Trading Co. The cover says to expose yourself to a world of adventure. It has a picture of a naked statue.
In the Kenosha News, it talked about a Pleasant Prairie woman, Mrs. Scissorhands, trimming her bush into a teapot topiary.
A classified was selling kittens. The mom is Siamese. The father is very successful.
After an eartquake, the 13-year-old son of Traci Hart, from Olney, Illinois, thought it was another meth lab blowing up.
McFarland students were protesting something. Heather Redepenning said that the school was taking everything away. All that will be left is to get an education.
Some outfit called Gaynines asked, “Is your dog gay?”
In an ad for Kroger Brown And Serve Rolls, the picture shows rolls of toilet paper.
In an article about pet therapy helping seniors, the photo shows a lady with a snake around her neck.
In an ad for the Villa at Riverwood, a photo shows what looks like a big gorilla next to an old lady.
In an ad for a cookware set with non-stick surfaces, there is an egg stuck to the surface.
Colonoscopy can earn a gas card.
In an article about gun safety, it looks like a guy is pointing a gun at one of his buddies.
A guy cancelled pig wrestling because animal rights groups complained. So instead, he will have a pig roast.
An ad for windows said, “No more shudders.”
There was a photo with Pepsi employees. Under “Not Pictured,” it also said, “L To R.”
A headline said that pet vaccines are offered on Saturday at U Kill-Em.
Jay then showed some names of people getting married: