The following NBC entertainment video is a segment of the April 29, 2013 episode of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. It is a skit called “Headlines.” This is a regular Monday segment that is devoted highlighting various funny headlines, advertisements, and other things in print.
Leesburg, Florida’s The Daily Commercial: “The economy has recovered, except where it hasn’t.”
New London, Wisconsin:
In a story about students making gains in math, it said that 6 + 4 = 11.
Idaho State Journal: “Spelling frundraiser a success.”
“Now, spelling bee kids will have to know definations.”
A weather forecast said it will be mostly crummy.
On Easter, there was an announcement saying that our Lord and Savior has arisen. Right below it, there was an ad for a $24.95 oil change from John’s Tire Sales and Service.
A store was selling V & V shredded chihuahua. And another ad was for Albertson’s canned cat.
Norwich Bulletin: “Men’s Underwear Sales Show Bulge In The Economy”
A Miracle Whip ad says their goal is to insert themselves into the mouth of a million people.
Bedford is a weight-loss center. It is located next to Bedford House of Roast Beef.
“Dairy Of Anne Frank”
In an ad for an MVHS after-prom party, it said alcohol, smoking, and drugs will be tolerated.
In an ad for Marvin’s Pizza And Mexican Food, it says, “A great buy, and it’s bigger than Jay Leno’s chin.”
A picture shows a lady at the market. There are two heads of lettuce or cabbage right in front of her boobs.
The Journal Gazette: “Doctors use groin to fix brain”
“Omaha’s Best Thing Curst Pizza” (from Red’s Savoy Pizza)
A classified was looking for a full-time caregiver for elderly nudist lady.
A scale projects weight on the wall. It has a 550-pound capacity. Jay wonders why you would want your 550 pounds advertised on the wall.
Gibson Limousine says they have transportation to most Illinois prisons.
In an article about prostate cancer, it shows a lady checking a guy’s ear.
“Committee appoints committee to appoint committee”
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida: “Group that helps women to expand”
A classified ad says there are some black kittens that are adorable and have mild psychic abilities.
There was an article about two suspects being charged with check forgeries. The pictures were of two dogs.