The following two videos are Part 1 and 2 of Jay Leno Tonight Show monologue, for the episode that aired on September 4, 2012. The Democratic National Convention was just starting up. So that is one of the major topics for Jay’s monologue. I have summarized the contents below.
The day before this episode was Labor Day. Jay says the White House calls it April Fools Day.
AAA said there was a 10 percent increase in cars for Labor Day when compared to last year. Jay says most of them were strippers driving from the Tampa RNC to the Charlotte DNC.
He said they will actually mention President Bush at this convention, unlike the RNC.
Jay said last election’s Obama theme was “Hope And Change.” This time, it is “Hope You Don’t Make a Change.”
Jay notes that the DNC functions will be held at the Time Warner Cable Arena and Bank of America Stadium. He says this is because Americans really love banks and cable companies. And they are having it there even after giving Bank of America a $45 billion bailout.
Mitt Romney’s dog will be the mystery speaker at the DNC.
Jay then runs a skit saying that Honey Boo Boo will deliver a speech at the DNC.
Leno joked about two delegates already getting kicked out because they got sloppy drunk. One also apparently impersonated a member of Congress. Jay said they knew he wasn’t a real member because he was buying his own drinks.
Some lame joke about the non-obese being underrepresented.
They then did another funny skit featuring FOX News’ Megan Kelly. She opened the door to the FOX News hair and makeup room, and it showed a bunch of ladies in bras and panties getting ready to go on the air.
Leno says Ron Paul is a guest tonight. And unlike the Republicans, the Tonight Show will actually let him speak.
Jay then jokes about all conventions dropping balloons from the ceiling – as if this is going to sway someone to vote for that party’s candidate.
He said Al Gore lashed out in a speech, calling an end to the electoral college. The woman at the dry cleaners then told him that his shirts will be ready on Friday.
Leno then did a skit about Governor Martin O’Malley, who had said that the country was not better off compared to 4 years ago. They then showed someone holding him outside a window, threatening to drop him. They then cut to the next segment, with O’Malley saying that the country is clearly better off.
Jay says the book on the Navy SEAL raid on bin Laden and “50 Shades Of Grey” have something in common. One is about kinky sex, and the other is about killing bin Laden. But they both have happy endings.
Leno jokes that Chinese banks are increasing lending to America, but we are so bad off that our co-signer is Greece.
Cellphones have 10 times more germs than toilet seats. But Jay says he is still more comfortable carrying around a cellphone.
A Texas mayor was killed by his own donkey. So the police came and threw his ass in jail.
Taco Bell has a new drink called “Mountain Dew A.M.,” which mixes the soda drink with orange juice. He says the coroner will decide the ratio of soft drink to orange juice.
Jersey Shore has been cancelled. But it’s like an STD, so some other network might pick it up.
Warren Buffett gave each of his 3 grandchildren $600 million. He says that’s the great part about being a grandparent. You get to spoil the grandkids.
Jay jokes that there is a magazine that is called “House Beautiful.” He says it sounds like something Arnold Schwarzenegger would say if he came over for dinner.