The following NBC entertainment videos contain the Tonight Show’s Jay Leno monologue for the episode that aired on Thursday, June 6, 2013. I have also included a text summary of the topics for this monologue. Watch the video for the full jokes.
An 84-year-old woman won the $590 million dollar lottery. She is from Zephyrhills, Florida. The woman already called Wheel Of Fortune and bought every vowel. She also won another $40 at bingo. This lottery winner also said she would pay back her student loans. And she called Walmart and told them to take their greeter job and shove it.
Obama has been collecting the phone records of millions of U.S. customers. They found out 90 percent of phone calls made by these Americans were to order pizza.
Growing up, we were afraid of Big Brother watching us. Now, we have a brother watching us.
Attorney General Eric Holder has no intention of stepping down. Jay didn’t, either. It just happens sometimes.
Jay runs a commercial for the low-T medication, Axiron. It is to treat low testosterone. He was joking about how little time they spent on the benefits of the actual product and how much time they spent listing all the possible side effects. It was like 13 seconds for the product and 47 seconds to list the side effects.
Leno joked about an 18-year-old woman suing United. It is at about the 4:00 mark in the video.
At the bottom of a zinc mine near Timmons, Ontario, Canada, scientists found a pool of water that they say is 2.6 billion years old. The Canadians froze it and started playing hockey on it.
A Chinese company bought Smithfield Foods, the largest producer in the world of pork products. Your pork will be cheaper, but your BLT will be bacon, lead, and tomato.
The president of China is coming to visit Obama tomorrow. They will meet at a Walmart.